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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

To my Son, on His 19th Birthday

Posted in Legacy, Life, Love, Parenting, Uncategorized, tagged , , , on September 27, 2018| Leave a Comment »

 

My son turned nineteen years old today.  Today he is recognized as a full adult by our great state.  I’ve had this date marked for some time as “the milestone” for his launching into adulthood.  Today has been an emotional day for me.  Having children was not something I decided on lightly.  My wife had desired children for years, but I had been most reluctant — because I didn’t know or think I had what it took to be a good father.  It was only after 10 years of marriage and much soul-searching and prayer that I made the very personal and life-changing decision to father children.  I have not been a perfect father — I can think of many occasions for which I wish I could have a “do-over.”  But, in the really important things of life, especially in faith, knowing right and wrong, being a man of integrity, my son is largely where I have prayed and hoped he would be.  And now we have begun the transition of his leaving our nest and setting out on his own.  Bittersweet doesn’t begin to describe what this transition, just now in its early stages, has been like. 

Today, on this milestone day, I drove to his college to spend time with him and have a little private “ceremony” recognizing his transition to manhood.  It was important to me that I do this — and I hope it was meaningful to him.  I presented him with a serious gift in the form of a book regarding what true manhood involves and also a letter in which I wrote from my heart and which I hope will be one he treasures, keeps, and re-reads many times over the course of his life.

To my son on his 19th birthday:

Nineteen years old – the beginning of life as an adult (per the great state in which we live 🙂 ). Where have all the years gone? Why does life have to go by so fast? I wish I could hit rewind and pause buttons and just savor the blessing of you as a child and adolescent.

But as much as I might like that, there is no stopping time. It’s a bittersweet moment because we are saying goodbye to the child we raised and embracing the young adult you have become.

This is how I feel today, buddy. You’re no longer a little boy, no longer an adolescent. You are a grown man who is beginning to make a life of his own. BUT, that doesn’t mean you are simply “on your own.” I (and your mother) deeply want to be in your life and you in ours.  We know we are not in the “parent-child” stage anymore, but we still remain your loving parents – ready to provide advice, support, friendship; we pray for continued involvement in your life – the ability to share in the up’s and down’s it brings.

I’ve often thought of what I would tell you as you launch into manhood. I’ve wanted to give you thoughts that you will hide in your heart and practice in your life. Here they are:

  • Take time for introspection (thinking about who you are and what you want to be in terms of character, integrity, calling). You will find that life sometimes gets more complicated the older you get. Sometimes it’s very easy to figure out, and sometimes it will take you years to find the answer.
  • Dare to dream. Work hard and persistently to make your dreams reality. Don’t get discouraged when you fail – learn from it and move on and keep trying.  Everyone has failures in life as they work to succeed.
  • Be brave.  Don’t be afraid to stand for what is right and for truth (especially among your friends).  Remember Deuteronomy 31:6 & Joshua 1:9.  Be selective in your close friends – you really do take on the characteristics of those you surround yourself with.
  • Keep your family in your life.  We love you and we want to share in your life; remain a part, a supportive part, of your life.
  • Most of all, commit yourself and your ways to the Lord, and you will succeed in life (that desk ornament I gave you years ago and insisted you keep on your desk? I did for a reason – to remind you of this very thing – Proverbs 3:5-6 🙂 ).

I have great confidence in you because you have a good heart, good character and most of all, you have faith in Jesus.  Live that faith!  I say again, LIVE YOUR FAITH.

It’s an exciting time, a time of transition, of looking to and planning for your future. You’re now fully responsible for your decisions and actions. Remember your actions and decisions have consequences (for good or bad; now and in the future).

Establish in your heart and mind that being a man is a purposeful effort which does not come about by simply growing older.  Being a man is more about character, compassion and courage than it is career. A man has character when he is a person of integrity who can be depended on. A man has compassion when he is caring for others by putting their best interests ahead of his own. A man has courage when he does what is right even what it’s difficult. I believe you have come far on this journey to becoming a man. You have learned so much already. Continue faithfully on!

You will make a difference! You certainly have in my life. You are heaven sent.  I thank and praise God for placing you in my life. I know I’ve not been the perfect parent, but I hope I have been a good one and that you are able to live well in part because I have been (and continue to be) your loving father. I am a better person because you are in my life.  I love you fiercely and as long as I have breath, I am here for you.  If you need to talk, need advice, just give me a call or a text or a visit.

Your loving and proud,

Dad

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Love Does … Book Review

Posted in Book Review, Christian Living, Love, tagged , , , , on February 18, 2018| Leave a Comment »

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A few weeks ago, I finished “Love Does” by Bob Goff.  I know … I’m late to the party as this was a “must read” in Christian circles like 5 years ago.  However, I was hesitant to read the book because, to listen to others gush about it, it sounded more kitsch and cant than substantive.  Now, having read the book, I’d say that some of that hesitancy was justified, BUT….

At its best, and that is often, the author provides motivation to “put legs” on their faith. It is, in this sense, a series of modern day parables (though they differ in that they are based on his and other’s life experiences) that emphasize what the book of James emphasizes — namely “What use is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.”

At its “less than best,” there are places in which the book comes across as a Tony Robbins/Robert Kiyosaki “you can do it” motivational book with religious (though Mr Goff would not want anyone associating his book with “religion”) bromides and bumper sticker theology substituting for deep seeking of God. Example: “…[God] doesn’t pass us messages, instead He passes us each other.” “…our understanding will always have gaps and gaps are good because they leave room for God to fill in the spaces.”
In addition, there is a persistent “religion is bad” undercurrent. True religion, as Scripture points out (James 1:27) does the very things Mr Goff advocates and encourages. While I understand Mr Goff actually means “empty religion” (that which is buoyed by legalistic rules, righteous cliques and gatekeepers more interested in their own power), the continual bashing of religion and claiming Jesus wasn’t religious is somewhat wearisome. To quote a MiddleTree blog review, “[The author sometimes] seems to forget the world, and the Church, needs the folks he subtly calls out: black & white thinkers, the ones who study theology, the ones who call out sin; in other words, the ones who are very different from him. These folks, subject to borderline derision in a few spots in “Love Does”, have their place, and play an important role in the world. If everyone was like them, it would be a disaster. But Goff seems to dismiss them altogether, or at least to minimize their importance.”

Thankfully, those kinds of things are not the emphasis of the book. The last few chapters, in particular, are spot on in calling the reader to put faith and love into action. So, despite the qualms, Love Does is a light, fun read in which the author uses his own experiences to tell great stories to highlight that following Jesus isn’t just a matter of “knowing the right things.” It is a matter of loving as Jesus loves, being His hands and feet — going and doing. And in so doing, we experience abundant life and we “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Bob Goff is one of those rare people who doesn’t just tell good stories; he lives them. And Love Does inspires you to follow his lead. It accomplished its main aim — getting me (the reader) to think about how to more actively love the people around me and who intersect in my life as well as to think about what my story can/should be in light of the gifts and passions God has instilled in me. And that makes this a worthwhile read and certainly commends the author.

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Wedding Anniversary Reflections

Posted in Life, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized, tagged , , on November 18, 2016| Leave a Comment »

 

Twenty-seven years ago, I married the most beautiful woman on earth (she still is!).  I was young, brash, arrogant, selfish — but I didn’t realize it at the time.  I had told Mary before we were married (and for many years after), that I didn’t want children.  Not because I disliked babies or kids or teens…. but because I was convinced I would not make a good father, a good dad.

But I had no doubt whatsoever that I’d make a fantastic husband.  I thought I had all the “bible learning” down on being a good husband, and I thought I would exemplify what a good husband was.  Boy, was Mary lucky to have me!  That last part may not have been a conscious thought, but it might as well have been.

As it turned out, I knew nothing about being a good husband.  Without going into details, let’s just say I made it about me, my rights as a husband, the respect I “deserved” based on my biblical role as leader of my household.  I expected respect (without demonstrating I deserved it) and had little tolerance for anything I interpreted as questioning my role or my “wisdom.”  Frankly, I was a fool and a jackass.

But then came a day I’ll never forget.  My grandma, a wonderful woman of God with down-to-earth common sense, pulled me aside and basically let me know what a putz I was being as a husband.  My grandma was kind, sweet and extremely wise.  For her to “put me in my place” shocked my sensibilities, but it was sure necessary and I’m grateful she did it.  Her rebuke was and is a great example that corrective admonishment can be done out of love.

I wish I could say that from that day forward, I was indeed the husband the Bible calls for and the man of Mary’s dreams.  Unfortunately, that has not been the case.  But I have always been mindful of what I should be and hope I’ve made progress in that direction.

 

Having reached mid-life (assuming a “standard” life-expectancy!), I am heeding the warning of Socrates & Plato regarding an unexamined life.  As I reflect on my life and its results, I see a man who is in many ways hard to love and hard to like.  I see many friendships that have dried up, atrophied, faded — some due to what we call “life” (time, distance, changes in family or other circumstance); others due to neglect, and, I fear, my own self-centeredness.

More and more I realize the ripple effects through time my negative actions have on my family and the effects self-centeredness has had on my friendships.  And these (family and friends) are two primary means God uses to give life meaning and purpose.   I realize, without Mary, I would likely be alone and with little hope of an enriched life “on this mortal plain.”

As our marriage has unfolded, my wife has loved me when my words and actions have caused mental and emotional pain; she has loved me when I have failed to be a spiritual leader; she has loved me when I’ve been quick to anger; she has loved me, quite honestly, when I have been unlovable.

Many husbands, on occasions such as anniversaries, state, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”  But, if I could, I would.  Change who I married?  Not on your life!  Change the person I’ve been and behaviors I displayed?  Absolutely.

But, alas, I cannot do that.  What I can do is continue to preach the gospel to myself (especially in regards to forgiving myself), and I can strive to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church.  A calling and responsibility I far too often forget.  It is when I sacrifice myself, when I give of myself — when I intentionally lead for the present and eternal good of my family, when I put their welfare above my own desires that I have any good impact — in the now and in the future.  I can strive to be what my grandma admonished and reminded me I should be, and I look to God to redeem my past sins and to “make up for the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25) as I seek to please Him in the more excellent way of love — particularly in the intentional love of a husband and father.

My wife has inexplicably continued to show me grace, mercy, forgiveness and love throughout our married life.  She has, in many ways, shown Christ in action.  God has indeed blessed me, and I continue to learn what love is and how to love because of Mary.

Thank you, honey, from all that is within me, for being my wife.

 

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