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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

To my Son, on His 19th Birthday

Posted in Legacy, Life, Love, Parenting, Uncategorized, tagged , , , on September 27, 2018| Leave a Comment »

 

My son turned nineteen years old today.  Today he is recognized as a full adult by our great state.  I’ve had this date marked for some time as “the milestone” for his launching into adulthood.  Today has been an emotional day for me.  Having children was not something I decided on lightly.  My wife had desired children for years, but I had been most reluctant — because I didn’t know or think I had what it took to be a good father.  It was only after 10 years of marriage and much soul-searching and prayer that I made the very personal and life-changing decision to father children.  I have not been a perfect father — I can think of many occasions for which I wish I could have a “do-over.”  But, in the really important things of life, especially in faith, knowing right and wrong, being a man of integrity, my son is largely where I have prayed and hoped he would be.  And now we have begun the transition of his leaving our nest and setting out on his own.  Bittersweet doesn’t begin to describe what this transition, just now in its early stages, has been like. 

Today, on this milestone day, I drove to his college to spend time with him and have a little private “ceremony” recognizing his transition to manhood.  It was important to me that I do this — and I hope it was meaningful to him.  I presented him with a serious gift in the form of a book regarding what true manhood involves and also a letter in which I wrote from my heart and which I hope will be one he treasures, keeps, and re-reads many times over the course of his life.

To my son on his 19th birthday:

Nineteen years old – the beginning of life as an adult (per the great state in which we live 🙂 ). Where have all the years gone? Why does life have to go by so fast? I wish I could hit rewind and pause buttons and just savor the blessing of you as a child and adolescent.

But as much as I might like that, there is no stopping time. It’s a bittersweet moment because we are saying goodbye to the child we raised and embracing the young adult you have become.

This is how I feel today, buddy. You’re no longer a little boy, no longer an adolescent. You are a grown man who is beginning to make a life of his own. BUT, that doesn’t mean you are simply “on your own.” I (and your mother) deeply want to be in your life and you in ours.  We know we are not in the “parent-child” stage anymore, but we still remain your loving parents – ready to provide advice, support, friendship; we pray for continued involvement in your life – the ability to share in the up’s and down’s it brings.

I’ve often thought of what I would tell you as you launch into manhood. I’ve wanted to give you thoughts that you will hide in your heart and practice in your life. Here they are:

  • Take time for introspection (thinking about who you are and what you want to be in terms of character, integrity, calling). You will find that life sometimes gets more complicated the older you get. Sometimes it’s very easy to figure out, and sometimes it will take you years to find the answer.
  • Dare to dream. Work hard and persistently to make your dreams reality. Don’t get discouraged when you fail – learn from it and move on and keep trying.  Everyone has failures in life as they work to succeed.
  • Be brave.  Don’t be afraid to stand for what is right and for truth (especially among your friends).  Remember Deuteronomy 31:6 & Joshua 1:9.  Be selective in your close friends – you really do take on the characteristics of those you surround yourself with.
  • Keep your family in your life.  We love you and we want to share in your life; remain a part, a supportive part, of your life.
  • Most of all, commit yourself and your ways to the Lord, and you will succeed in life (that desk ornament I gave you years ago and insisted you keep on your desk? I did for a reason – to remind you of this very thing – Proverbs 3:5-6 🙂 ).

I have great confidence in you because you have a good heart, good character and most of all, you have faith in Jesus.  Live that faith!  I say again, LIVE YOUR FAITH.

It’s an exciting time, a time of transition, of looking to and planning for your future. You’re now fully responsible for your decisions and actions. Remember your actions and decisions have consequences (for good or bad; now and in the future).

Establish in your heart and mind that being a man is a purposeful effort which does not come about by simply growing older.  Being a man is more about character, compassion and courage than it is career. A man has character when he is a person of integrity who can be depended on. A man has compassion when he is caring for others by putting their best interests ahead of his own. A man has courage when he does what is right even what it’s difficult. I believe you have come far on this journey to becoming a man. You have learned so much already. Continue faithfully on!

You will make a difference! You certainly have in my life. You are heaven sent.  I thank and praise God for placing you in my life. I know I’ve not been the perfect parent, but I hope I have been a good one and that you are able to live well in part because I have been (and continue to be) your loving father. I am a better person because you are in my life.  I love you fiercely and as long as I have breath, I am here for you.  If you need to talk, need advice, just give me a call or a text or a visit.

Your loving and proud,

Dad

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Making Room vs the Tyranny of the Urgent

Posted in friendship, Uncategorized, tagged , , on January 25, 2015| Leave a Comment »

It’s very rare that I remember my dreams I have while sleeping. They usually have to touch something deep and emotional for me to remember — and even then, I only remember “snatches” of the dreams. Not too long ago, I dreamt a lovely dream — Neil and Sandra; Mike and Susie; Kevin and Barbie — all dear friends from college (or shortly after); and my wife Mary and I were, for some unknown but happy reason, gathered for a reunion of sorts. We laughed and talked of old times, of getting older, of health scares. It was really great “seeing” these old friends. 
When I awoke, I realized and meditated on several things:

a) the many wonderful friendships God has blessed me with over the years – the names and faces passed through my mind. Childhood and high school friends who made growing up fun and what childhood should be; dear college friends who helped keep me grounded (when it would have been easy to sow oats that would haunt me today) – friends in adulthood: Air Force friends who became a “band of brothers” – theater friends who helped me find artistic creativity, shared great love, and taught me how to have fun; spiritual friends who have helped me grow as a leader and in my faith.

b) the devastating impact children, distance and time (age) can have on friendships, making them more like “deeper” acquaintances. Don’t get me wrong – children are great (I wouldn’t trade mine for the world), but they do impact friendships as your time is limited; distance wreaks havoc on friendships; and age (time) diminishes the energy we once had for the frequent get-togethers (plays, dinners, parties, etc).

c) but “at the end of the day,” I realize that these are not acquaintances — for if I had a deep, real need – these people would respond, they would cross the distance, find the energy, make “room” in their lives, they would support me, for the bond of friendship remains. This has been demonstrated in loss, in crisis, in the milestones of life.
 And I am grateful as I realize this. I am grateful as I think on the friends and friendships that have come throughout my life from childhood to today. I hope as I continue to age, that I’ll never forget the need and meaning of friends and that I’ll “make room” in my life for relationships and not let the “tyranny of the urgent,” things, or age crowd people out.

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